Apocalypse Now

As I write this, it is a little less than one hour before 6pm in New Zealand, which will be the first major population center to experience the Rapture. The Rapture has already been happening in Kiritimati and the other Line Islands for about an hour now, no reports yet of a massive earthquake, angelic trumpets, airborne horsemen or 2000 year old rabbis. But then, the news out of Kiritimati always comes slowly, and the British nuked Kiritimati so many times the folk there may just be inured to it. But we're expecting live streaming footage of the festivities from Aukland news agency NZTV starting in just a little more than an hour, so stay tuned!

LATE BREAKING NEWS:

Undisclosed sources say that the archangel Gabriel has been replaced by the great Dizzy Gillespie!